Breathing

I feel as though I’m on the cusp of something extraordinary.

And the amazing thing is, this extraordinariness has nothing to do with accomplishing something.

Rather, it is about the deep breath I’m finally getting to take after four years of stopping, pausing, holding, waiting—and hoping—as I brought my two beautiful children into this world. And now, here, I am about to exhale—all the love, beauty, life, pain, and Truth I’ve finally had time to pay attention to, been forced to pay attention to as I’ve held the hands of my little ones and watched the world go by at their unhurried, unplanned, but ever-expectant pace: at the speed of wonder.

This is not to say that in the four years of raising my babies I have not done anything or thought anything or grown as a person. But thus far, the activity has been internal, a flood of sensory and intellectual experience splashing in my mind, rolling around in great currents of faith and introspection. While my body has strolled and ambled and meandered through the world, my heart and mind and spirit have been broken open to see and understand and love in ways formerly impossible.

And now, it seems, it is time to begin sharing: the good and the bad, the sweet and the frustrating, the grandiose and the mundane, the everyday and the other-worldly, all that is True in all its glorious wonder.

So, you ask, who am I?

I am a thoughtful, intentional, informed, loving, and sometimes silly mommy who feels both immense pride and profound fear and insecurity as I attempt to raise secure, confident, empathetic, responsible citizens of the earth we’ve been given. This gift of motherhood is made possible by my husband whom I admire, respect, and adore like crazy.

I am a “recovering pharisee,” a once-legalistic/conservative/evangelical Christian who gratefully received Grace and gladly surrendered her need to perform, to have all the answers, and to live an exemplary life in exchange for the blessed freedom to love this messy and beautiful world.

And I am a spin freak. Seriously, I love cycling and can’t get enough of that one hour of sweat mingled with meditation and music on a stationary bike.

Did I mention I love to write?

So, I ask, who are you?